Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia are tragic illnesses that are so very difficult for both the afflicted and their loved ones…
Although this is not necessarily a travel relevant post, dealing with a loved one who is suffering from Alzheimer’s or Dementia is a global issue.
My husband and I both have dealt with close family members who have struggled with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. While these diseases are absolutely horrid for those afflicted, they also carry a toll for the family and loved ones. It is crucial that family members and loved ones understand as much as they can of what their afflicted loved one is going through. It is also crucial that family and loved ones take care of their own well-being so that they can continue to be strong and supportive and to remain emotionally and physically healthy themselves. The comments below are so very important to understand and embrace.
The below was previously posted on Facebook and shared with me. I have learned some of the points below the hard way. All of the points below hold true:
“If I get dementia, I’d like my family to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things.
If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.
If I get dementia, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.
If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.
If I get dementia, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself.
If I get dementia, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.
If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.
If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.
If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past.
If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.
If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.
If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.
If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.
If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.
If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.
If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault.
If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.
If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original place.
If I get dementia, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings.
If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.
If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love.”
I’ve also learned not to give too many choices. If taking your loved one out for a meal, don’t present them with the entire menu, offer up a few choices of meals you know they enjoy. When taking your loved one out for a day trip, offer one or two choices, If they are unable to decide, choose for them, in a positive and friendly manner. A simple drive through the town they lived in or neighborhood they grow up in is a great way to spend some time. Or looking through old photographs. Listen to their thoughts, share their remembrances.
Your guilt can play a part in your relationship, don’t let it. Give the time you can, when you are in the right frame of mind and accept help when it is offered. Be patient. Be kind. Don’t be offended. Try not to get angry. When you get frustrated, give yourself a well deserved break. You don’t have to always understand, you don’t have to correct…hold a hand, give a hug, share a smile…just be there.
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